Dear -Snazzles-, [a meme I did in the spring, but that has changed?]

[lady_noremon]

Dear Susan,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but you're a pervert. I think I realized it when you put cuffs on me outside of your office and I saw you sit on the elephant in the corner.
I'm sure you're ashamed enough to understand that there is no solution to you being a dumb ass.
I'm returning your car to you, but I'll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory.
You should also know that I never will forget that night and your Cucumber-fetishism is weird.

Greetings to your frog Leonard,
Sarah


How it works:
1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White – I’m joining the Convent
Black - I dislike your eyelashes
Green - Our socks don't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're mean
Other - I'm in love with your cat

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February - Last year when you peed your pants
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When you smacked my ass
August - When I saw the purple monkey
September - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
October - When I quoted Forest Gump
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Lasagna- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chretien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the Mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper

4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put whipped cream on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over

5. What's the color of your underwear?
Grey - My boyfriend
White - My father
Black – The Catholic Priest
Brown – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
None – My prized statue of Michael Jackson in the nude
Other - The elephant in the corner

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs; Man
O.C.; Emotional
One Tree Hill; Open-minded
Heroes; Frostbitten
Lost; High
House; Sly
Simpsons; Cowardly
The news; Scarred
Idol; Masochistic
Family Guy; Senile
Top Model; Middle-class
Annat; Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Dissapointed or Betrayed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic (showing little or no emotion)- That you need a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Silly - That there is no solution to you being a dumb ass
Other - That your driving sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - Your Elton John poster
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from Vegas
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your car

9. The FIRST letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo with the mustache drawn on it
C/D - Your false teeth
E/F - Your neighbour’s dog
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of that blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your glass eye
Y/Z - Your credit cards

10. The LAST letter in your last name?
A/B - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
C/D - Never will forget that night
E/F - Always wanted to break your legs
G/H – Hate your cooking
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Will tell the authorities that you did not steal that whale in the back yard
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Was interviewed about the car you stole
Q/R - Always will remember the pep talks
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven't showered for a month
Y/Z –Am better off without you

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- I'm scratching my ass as you read this
Beer – you should stop picking your nose
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemur
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m incarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is still on fire
Wine – Thanks for the Cocaine
Apple Cider – I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – I love Oprah Winfrey
Mineral water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey - You ruined my attempts at another world war
-Other – Our friendship is ruined

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
England - Good luck in jail
Spain - Go drown yourself
China – You make me sick
Germany – Kiss my ass
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Best of luck on the sex-change
Egypt – Please don't hurt me
France – With tears of sadness



Now, FILL IT IN ..
Dear (Friend),

I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___.
I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___.
I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory.
You should also know that I ___10___ and ___11___.

___12___,

Comments

[alchemy-hisoka.livejournal.com]

Since when does being a pervert bother you? :p

You should also know that I never will forget that night and your Cucumber-fetishism is weird.

This was the most hilarious part. Especially with how well it fit into the rest of the letter. o_o

The collection of butterflies reminds me of Loveless.

_____________________________________________________

Dear Sarah,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over. I think I realized it when I tripped on peanut butter in a clown suit and I saw you sit on the elephant in the corner.
I'm sure you're sly enough to understand that your driving sucks.
I'm returning your nose hair clippers to you, but I'll keep your left ear as a memory.
You should also know that I always wanted to break your legs and our friendship is ruined.

Go milk a cow,

Arma


. . . that was horrible! *curls up in a ball and cries*

[lady-noremon.livejournal.com]

;________________;

But....but....my legs?...


Please don't take my ear baby :(